18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
I'm not really sure how much to share about this. Or even if to share this. My sister and I, for most of my life, have never really had a great relationship. We are two completely different people with clashing personalities. Living together was....well frankly it was hell! Only after my sister moved out did we start to patch and repair our relationship and become best friends and sisters. Throughout my young adult life...we've lived together several times and started the old patterns of clashing. We've definitely realized we can't live together and still be sisters and friends.
A couple of years after high school my mother and I were living in a duplex and my neighbor was a young girl just like me. But she was super popular and very friendly. She threw parties like every weekend. At that same time I was dating A. He was this slick guy from my college choir class and I sat and sang next to him for a year before he "noticed" me. We were pretty good friends before he even let on that he "crushed" on me. We started dating. My mother hated him with a passion. He was the quintessential college guy. He smoked...cigarettes and pot, but never around me. He drank a lot, and was very sexually active. After the first couple of times of trying to push me into sex...he respected my wishes and stopped the pressure. I also made a huge mistake by telling him that if he REALLY needed it...he could go outside of our relationship and sleep with someone, but only in a emergency situation and I would only look the other way once. Yes, it was a form of a test. Yes, it was pretty wrong of me to test him like that.
One particular party night A and I went to neighbors, party and drank and mingled and had a great time. Of course, my sister was there with her best friend at the time. I had to be to work early the next morning so I had to leave the party at a semi-reasonable hour. A walked me home and we kissed a bit and then he left.
That night I had the worst dream of my life. I could hear my sister moaning and groaning...because....well you know why. When I woke up (deeply disturbed) I started thinking about it and the first thought that crossed my mind was she and A had been together...in my garage. So I confronted my sister...told her about the dream I had and listened to her tell me it was just that...a dream. I asked A about it and he confirmed it was a dream.
I went along with this for about two months, before the dream I was about to give up on my waiting for marriage and give away this precious gift, after the dream I didn't feel right and decided to wait. I had finally decided to give A that gift again and was talking to my friend B about it when she finally broke down and told me. The dream I had wasn't a dream, but my brain actually hearing it happen and trying to let me know. My sister had lied to my face while looking at me in the eyes. And A had lied to me as well. I had it out with my sister and told her to get lost from my life cause this wasn't the first time she had done stuff with my boyfriends, but it was the farthest, and forgave A because as he put it...I told him he got one emergency outside of the relationship thing. It wasn't but a month later I told him to get lost also because he could have slept with any girl on the planet, but he chose my sister....that was just unforgivable.
It took me years to finally forgive and forget with my sister. To trust her around my boyfriends again and to allow our relationship to prosper. Today...we have a great relationship that I would have never dreamed possible, but because the Lord dug around in my heart and made me face these issues...I was able to be a better Child of God, forgive and in turn be a better sister.
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