Thursday, April 5, 2012

Ramblings

It's been awhile since I've posted anything and the other day I was scribbling in my notebook and this is what I came up with...hope you enjoy!

An Open Letter to My Loves:

It started with who is now a park ranger. You, little boy, who runs through my memory with abandon were a perfect little gentleman. You were a knight, an alien, Ninja Turtle, and on occasion my savior from cruel kids. It was the end of the world when I moved. We didn't know it, but it was the end of us. To you I owe my childhood...thank you for the laughs and making my childhood a better place.

To my first kiss; the circumstances that surrounded that monumental moment sucked, but you made it a bright weekend. Our love was true and new. You made me figure out who I was and what I wanted. I miss the long conversations we used to have and every now and then I hear your voice (accent and all) telling me things I need to hear. Thank you for helping me find my way.

To the man who would have been my husband; From friends to loves and back and forth many times, we've been through hard times, we've been through good times. We both said hurtful things and to this day have never fully forgiven each other. I hear about you from time to time and I think every time I see your boy he looks more and more like you. I wish we could sit down as adults and get past the pain. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if certain events hadn't happened, but such is life. I wish you and yours well and hope life is everything you wanted. Thank you for opening my eyes to the way people can really be and how to see through the masks they portray.

To the men who would have been and were my first; You leave a dark spot on the brightness of my life. The only reason I stop and pay attention to your memory is not because of you personally, but because of the moment in my life and lessons I learned from it. You two men were and always will be the villians of my fairy tale. I thank you both for nothing and sing praises everyday you are out of my life.

To my husband; I never would have thought we would work as well as we do. Ten years ago I would have said people were crazy if they had suggested us, but now I can't imagine my life without you. You help me forget I'm getting older and being scared, but also help me to mature in who I am. I sometimes get lost in you and wish sometimes you did the same. Thank you for the incredible love story in which I get to play a part and for our future. I know it will be long and I know it will be bright!

To the few men between these milestones. I do remember you and the memories we shared. I am truly grateful for the roles you played in my life and the lessons you brought with them...confidence, lust, betrayal, forgiveness, maturity, foresight, and how to drive a stick shift, just to name a few.

Life is a lesson...and you were all Teachers.


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