6/30 Things: Hardest Thing

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I think it is a toss up between a couple of different things.  All of it has to pertain to the death or near death of someone I love.  These are are either people I am really close to or are the loved ones of someone close to me.

I was engaged once before Russ, and at that time we were both just kids.  But we knew we loved each other (or so I thought).   His mom was very....how do I put it...in our lives.  ALL THE TIME!  I realize now that it was just because she really didn't have anything else and he was her pride and joy, but then it just drove a spike between us.  We ended up breaking up, harsh words were said and it was pretty brutal.  But about a year later his mom had some major health complications and I was told she didn't have very long to live and that he had requested I come be with him.  Now not only was I his finance at one time, but we were best friends since seventh grade.  So all things aside, I went.  After she passed... sitting with him and trying to help him through it was just..hard.

But of course, nothing was harder than watching my husband go through the loss of his father.  In fact, he still going through it.  The week we were in Michigan was hard for everyone...and I don't want to say it was the hardest on me because it really wasn't.  But I do think it was one of the hardest things I've been through.  I didn't know what to do for my family or how to help besides just being there.  And I know that that in itself was a help, but I don't and didn't feel like I was helping all that much.  Plus, seeing the pain my husband and his mom and sister were in...was excruciating!  Russy still goes through moments when he gets completely sad in remembering his dad and starts crying and I don't know whether to try to help him talk through it or let him alone.  

The last thing that completes this hardest thing triumvirate was my daddy having a heart attack.  It wasn't a bad one and he is all better now...with a moderate diet and exercise but it made me realize that Dad's not going to be here forever and I really need to learn a lot of stuff from him.