Deactivating an Addiction

I know I posted earlier about spring and how it's not just flowers that are popping up.  But I wanted to expound on this subject a bit more, give you some back story and then flash forward to now and what I have done.

I've always known I was meant to be a mom.  And while the majority of my high school was either sleeping around or just trying it once; I waited.  My sister is fertile as a rabbit, mom never had any troubles conceiving so it never dawned on me to even think about sleeping with someone in high school.  (Okay, take that back, I thought about it but was adamant about waiting for marriage.)  I waited up to 3 months before my 24th birthday.  Then I was decided I was done playing the virgin, being called a prude, and generally looked down on by my family.  I decided to sleep with my boyfriend whom I had been dating for over a year and a half.  I thought we were going somewhere...obviously he thought otherwise.  After sleeping together once, he neglected to call me for an entire month and I shipped his ass out the door.  In the process of officially breaking up (I couldn't reach him remember...) I met Russ.  We sparked, we laughed, and hit it off big time. 

It's been five years since we got together and almost four since we've been married; and still no kids...I've briefly tried rudimentary infertility treatments, such as being on Clomid for a year and a half.  I've spent the past two years struggling to be okay and not so heart sore whenever spring rolls around.  I'd been able to do it too...I had my moments of questioning why, but for the most part I was content to leave it in God's hands.  This year though...something is just different.  It's only the third day of spring and already five woman near to me are pregnant!  I know of and are acquainted with a couple more.  I haven't really "questioned" God yet, but I'm sure it's coming if I don't do something fast.  I know I'm depressed.  So since most of my pregnant friends are on Facebook I deactivated it.  It took me awhile and it made me really want to do it.  (Took me 2 days!  Had to figure out how to transfer administrator privileges to Russ for my cake page.)  But it's gone...its actually nice and freeing.  I haven't spent as much time on my phone or on the computer.  I actually wrote this post out on paper before I posted it here!  It will be harder to keep in touch with me, but people who really want access to me will find a way.  Hopefully this isn't forever, but right now I've got to do what keeps me sane.  Hey and who knows maybe with this new found time I can work more to save for some trips, or pick back up hobbies or even go see a Doctor?

This also helps my addiction to facebook....I've felt like it's been taking up way too much time.  I read it like the newspaper in the morning and right before going to bed.  Then multiple times throughout the day...deactivating had already helped with this.